kiseijuu | ｄｅｅｒｌｙＢＥＬＯＶＥＤ

[ She's probably not serious, but she had to choose something. ]

you sound A LOT like someone i know

are they serious about the sweater vests

[ Oh god someone saw this thing. Someone replied. There's... so much he wants to explain?? The most pressing issue being that he did not choose a monstrosity like IzUWUmi-kun for himself.

But the sweater-vests are what's in question here right now. ]

I do have a lot of them... but this makes it sound so bad. Like I'm some kind of miserable weirdo....

[ ....Which is exactly what he is. ]

really? i thought it just made you sound like my best friend
minus having a cuddly hand
that part was a little weird
but i mean everyone here is a little weird so roll with it, my dude

Oh, really? Is your best friend a little on the awkward side, too?

[ Because a """little""" on the """awkward side""" is clearly the best way to summarise everything that was said in this profile. ]

Ah, that.. Cuddly hands are definitely not something anyone wants to hear about..

[ True to his profile's claim, he's grimacing as he types that. And every time he sees his username again, there's more grimacing. ]

How long have you been here?

if by a little on the awkward side you mean she's a total social disaster, yes. yes she is

[ How does anyone make this sound like such a positive thing? ]

i mean it is totally what i wanna hear about, but if you're not in a sharin mood, i won't push

10 months. i hope they give me a party when i hit 12

[ And this is where he's feeling torn. Because...he's found it is better to warn people about his... situation. Migi's not staying quiet in Deerington, so it's inevitable people are going to continue to find out about him.

If he can give a head's up... it makes it a lot less formidable, right? And potentially less dangerous. Isn't that for the greater good? ]

It's okay, it's just... it's pretty shocking. But since you've been here for that long, you might have come across even worse things...

Have you ever heard of that condition called Alien Hand Syndrome?

[ .........This is really how he's going to try to explain it. ]

lol you're prob not wrong

dr strangelove shit, right? yeah, i heard of it

I have something a lot like that. Like my hand... is kind of alive, and does things on its own.

[ Give her a minute to think about this, please.

...

....... ]

that's not some unique and lame excuse to be a perv without consequences, is it?

[ Oh g o d ]

NPO

[ In his haste, he types too hard and too fast and messes up the simple word "no"... ]

No! I meant no!!

I mean, it sometimes grabs things because it doesn't understand, but... I don't condone this! And I definitely teach him not to

"teach him"?

OMG is your hand possessed??? that's more idle hands than strangelove ig

[ He didn't know exactly how he wanted this to go. It's never really ideal to have to tell a person about one's alien-infested body parts--

BUT SOMEHOW THIS ISN'T IDEAL AT ALL. HE'S FEELING WORRIED. SWEATING. ]

Well...... well it technically is, it was definitely taken over by something

I believe an alien?? Ahahaha.... [ Is it inappropriate to make laughing sounds right now ]

Is idle hands a medical condition?

[ She's not sure whether to respond to him having an alien hand, him actually typing out "ahahaha" or him not knowing this movie. What's more awful, it's a toss up, uuugh ]

it's a 90s movie that no one would have cared about if seth green wasn't hilarious and jessica alba wasn't hot as fuck

his hand was possessed by the devil tho, not an alien. alien sounds WAY fucking cooler

Oh, a movie... admittedly, I don't watch a lot of scary movies.

[ His life is enough of a scary movie... and he's actually curious about how this movie ended because... you never know. His condition with Migi is still an unknown. Maybe there's some answers in 90's horror movies. ]

Did he ever get rid of it?

it wasn't like super scary it was supposed to be a comedy i think like a weird romcom kinda thing idk

he did but it was weird
i remember him getting his hand high after taking a hit from a bong and then blowing the smoke into a hand puppet so he could weaken it
and then while it was high some lady stabbed his hand with a ritual knife and there was a bunch of smoke that came out of it
and then he made out with jessica alba in her underwear
and then he got crushed by a car
but he was ok in the end
except the demon hid under his hospital bed and then the movie ended

[ There's so much to process here.

And while he's doing that, processing, Migi's just going to. Quickly type on the Fluid himself.

Because he has Questions. ]

Why was Jessica Alba in her underwear?
Was Seth Green in his underwear?

because horror movies are sexist as fuck
and no he was a rotting corpse no one wanted him in his underwear

[ MIGI, WHAT THE HELL---- Shinichi's trying to tug his hand away but now it's all invested, because Chloe's just given him something new to chew over. Human social constructs are a whole complex realm Migi is still very new to. ]

Sexist? I am not familiar with this term.

[ This takes a minute because who the fuck doesn't know what sexist is while still knowing what 90s movies would be..................................... If only she knew. ]

it's a political term for the oppression of women and the acts that go about upholding it
a lot of media demeans women and turns them into sex objects, backing up the idea that our only worth is in being ogled
i mean like there's a LOT more to it but that's the surface explanation

[ Shinichi's given up for now and is just... lying there watching warily to make sure Migi doesn't ask anything weird. ]

The oppression of women? That seems senselessly counterproductive to the human species. Would it not benefit humankind as a whole to place the same value in every member of its society?

[ Migi's very stunned by this information. Humans dividing themselves among their own species seems completely foolish... His kind don't have hierarchies among them, and even the animals he's studied don't oppress any member of their species based on sex. ]

[ There's another long pause because there's no way someone is THIS much of a shut in. ]

omg am i talking to the alien hand
i mean either way; you right, dude
that would absolutely be the most beneficial
but we are REAL good at fucking everything up for ourselves with petty shit like hating differences

That is correct. Shinichi has been subdued.

[ ...That sort of makes it sound like he killed him. But human nature and its strange nuances is Migi's favourite topic, so he's not letting go of the device any time soon. ]

I have noticed this in my research about your kind. Differences among your species seem to be viewed almost as mistakes to be corrected.

[ Society is an ugly thing, Migi. ]

Admittedly, I am only familiar with some of your species' political terms involving warfare. However, since "sexist" is a political term, I am assuming there are those among your kind who reject and oppose it?

... dude is he ok

[ At least she's seen enough sci-fi to know this could be miscommunication, right? Sure. Please don't be dead, Shinichi. ]

yeah that's a p good summary of it
and y u p 100% opposed, being a woman, and someone who very much does not want to be oppressed
the whole lack of treating each other with respect thing is kind of fucked imo
you should pick up a book on social action or something, mac

He is, I believe the term is, "sulking."

[ His human isn't happy about the conversation interruption. But enough about him. Migi's now intensely trying to decode Chloe's texting. ]

What is "p good"?

What is "y u p"?

What is "imo"?

What is "mac"?

[ He sends every single question as a separate text, so there's just going to be a mini notification spam on Chloe's device. He didn't ask about "omg" earlier because, he's already learned that one. ]

that's better than dead. 'cause just an fyi, you definitely made it sound like he was dead

p good = pretty good
y u p = yup/yes but you put spaces between letters when you wanna drag it out for extra sass
imo = in my opinion
mac = "Mysterious Alien Creature", it's from a 1988 film called MAC & Me where a kid becomes friends with an alien

That would be a problem for me. I must keep him alive for my own survival.

[ That's it, that's the only reason he cares about Shinichi ]

I see. I am writing all of these down into my collection.

[ Chloe's giving him lessons in social justice and chatspeak; it's a fascinating combination and she's indulging him so much. He quite likes this human already. ]

I must admit that the human linguistic ability to shorten words into acronyms and symbols is a useful one. Are you also familiar with "emoji"?

that's harsh, mac

[ ........ emojis. God DaMmit ]

unfortunately

He understands his role in this.

[ Maybe they should learn a lesson on how to be friends like the kid and his alien pal from MAC & Me. ]

Unfortunately?

doesn't make it not harsh. if i was sharing my body with an alien, i'd want them to be cooler about it than that.

emojis are fucking garbage

It goes both ways. He relies on me for survival, equivalently.

You don't consider them useful? There are some I do not understand, but the principle seems helpful.

there's more to relationships than relying on each other for survival, mac!!

i mean ig???? mostly they're just annoying and used by annoying people
my best friend thinks they're awesome and she'll type those stupid bullshit (=^_^=) things all fucking day bc she knows i hate them
the only one i'm okay with is 🖕🏻

but if you ever need a translation, i'm sadly fluent in them, because everyone and their fucking sister used them at blackwell

oh right
ig = i guess
bc = because

What else is there? Survival is the ultimate goal for my species.

Ah, the ones that emulate facial expressions.
I do think that those are pointless.

[ Migi's not here for kaomoji. ]

Is Blackwell your home?

friendships are usually an emotional thing too. i mean ig sticking in packs is probably good for survival, but we've also got like. feelings??? you guys should be able to talk about stuff or watch movies and shows together OR OH play games!
you two should come to D&D night!!
that's off topic
anyway
the point is, if you're gonna live in his hand, you should get to know stuff that he likes and maybe try and talk to him about how he's feeling or something, esp when he's sulking
watch Mac & Me. or E.T. classic alien/human buddy relationships

they ARE pointless, you are correct, glad to know you have good taste after all

LOL NO
blackwell was a bullshit private school i went to for a while filled with equally bullshitty people
i'm from arcadia bay
it's in oregon
in the united states
on earth obv

ｄｅｅｒｌｙＢＥＬＯＶＥＤ

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